The Refuge of Dreams

In an earlier post on remembering dreams, I described recalling some adventurous and awe-inspiring dreams I had in the past, which got me thinking about how I often feel that these sorts of dreams are better than reality. Alongside this is the feeling of not wanting to wake up – to just continue the dream forever. This is a common feeling people have (except in cases of nightmares – unless some people enjoy them in an adrenaline rush, horror filmic sort of way). Many dreams contain more eventfulness, excitement, and positive emotion than everyday life. But is it a bad thing to think of dreams (or at least some dreams) as ‘better than reality’? This phrasing may carry the implication that one’s life is going awry and that the dream is compensating for its badness. To another’s ears, it might sound like the person is only finding happiness in dreams; so perhaps it is an unintentional admission of some underlying depression.

While in some cases this framing may be applicable, I think it is wrong to universally pathologise the feeling that dreams are ‘better than reality’. At the same time, I want to suggest an alternative way of phrasing this sentiment, as ‘better than reality’ may lead to a mischaracterisation of how the sentiment truly feels to the person who experiences it. Dreams may be a kind of escapism, but ‘escapism’ can carry with it negative connotations – ideas about a person avoiding, or not taking responsibility for, problems in their lives. However, escapism can be healthy or unhealthy. I like to think of (positive) dreams as refuge, which is a way of emphasising the cases in which they’re a healthy form of escapism, that is, temporary respite or enjoyment, rather than an excessive form of coping that involves avoidance.

First, it is worth reiterating that often thinking of dreams as better than reality is sometimes a sign of emotional distress in waking life. This is especially the case when one would prefer not to go through the experience of waking life at all and instead spend all one’s time in the dream world. One (potential) sign of depression is oversleeping (for others, it’s insomnia). While this oversleeping may feel like an uncontrollable symptom of depression, it can also be something one desires to do, and so one does it. This might involve sleeping in the day, sleeping in, going back to sleep whenever one wakes up – basically, sleeping at any opportunity one gets. Cases of nightmares notwithstanding (which may be more frequent during a depressive episode), sleeping becomes an escape from the depression. When one is dreaming, one can gain respite from depression. And because of this, it becomes appealing to spend as much time asleep as possible.

In other situations, dreams act as an important form of refuge that should not be undervalued. When living through stressful, unsettling, or anxiety-provoking circumstances in everyday life, dreams may be one of the few forms of respite – a time when one doesn’t have to think about or live through those circumstances. These dreams may also provide an alternate reality in which one’s life is better, and perhaps this acts as a salve, or even a dose of hope for a better future, for those living in difficult circumstances.

Leaving aside situations in which ‘dreams are better than reality’ can be pathologised or seen as reflecting hardship in everyday life, this phrase can also admit more optimistic interpretations. Consider, for instance, innocuous comments many people make about novels, films, TV shows, and video games – about how fun it would be if real life were like the worlds depicted in these types of fiction. This is a major reason why people engage in these forms of entertainment and art. Again, this recognition of what novels, films, and video games depict – which waking life lacks – doesn’t mean one looks down on waking life, or considers it inferior, unsatisfying, boring, or meaningless. That is sometimes the case, but often it isn’t. Novels, films, TV shows, and video games can be enjoyed in healthy ways – that is, in ways that don’t involve avoidance, self-imposed isolation, or a hindrance to one’s work, relationships, and other personal projects.

The same is true of dreaming. Dreaming – like novels, films, TV shows, and video games – is a time in which we get to engage with the human capacity for imagination and fantasy. It is a deeply human activity. While other animals do dream, it is (as far as we can tell) a uniquely human experience to draw rich interpretations and meanings from dreams. (We cannot know directly what it is like for other animals to dream – but based on their cognitive abilities, it is reasonable to assume that they don’t suddenly gain the capacity to experience symbolic and complex meaning while dreaming, or to search for it post-dreaming.) In any case, dreams can function like other forms of engagement with imagination and fantasy – they can be experienced as a healthy escape. However, this is not to diminish the potential of dreams; they are not always purely about fun. They can – like other forms of imagination and fantasy – be sources of inspiration, creativity, and meaning.

This brings me to the idea of rephrasing the sentiment that ‘dreams are better than reality’. The use of the term ‘reality’ in the phrase is misleading, as dreams are a part of reality. They are not, by definition, a part of waking reality. But not all of reality is limited by waking consciousness. Reality is also constituted, at times, by non-ordinary states, which include dream states. Of course, one could argue that waking life involves being situated in what one assumes to be concrete reality, namely, physical reality. However, this doesn’t exclude dreams being a part of total reality; they are still an aspect of the reality of one’s life – what one experiences. We cannot exclude dreams from ‘reality’, in the same way we cannot exclude stories and films from reality. It would be more accurate to say, therefore, that ‘dreams are better than waking life’. 

Yet, I would still want to further alter this phrasing to reflect (in the positive sense) the way in which dreams are part of an enriching life overall, rather than seen as a separate realm, unconnected to waking life. Returning to the point about dreams as sources of inspiration, creativity, and meaning, it is clear that dreams are (or can be) connected to waking life. Dreams have inspired many people’s ideas, artwork, music, stories, films, and TV shows. Moreover, this connection works in the opposite direction too: waking life is the source material for our dreams. The meaning of dreams is, therefore, often linked to meaning in waking life. Because of these connections, the feeling that ‘dreams are better than waking life’ can end up enhancing waking life, rather than detracting from it.

By appreciating what one experiences in dreams, one might try to recall them more often in everyday life, as well as reflect on them more often. And this might have the effect of inspiring one to make positive changes in one’s life based on those dreams, or it could have a more general effect of waking life becoming a bit more ‘oneiric’, or dream-like, in much the same way that an appreciation for music, film, art, and photography can make everyday life feel more musical, filmic, art-like, and photogenic. To experience waking life in an oneiric way could make it more aesthetically and emotionally rich.

Perhaps if one does feel a greater sense of contentment in everyday life, the feeling that dreams are better than it fades away (which is not to say that adventurous or awe-inspiring dreams no longer happen). I have often thought, as I mentioned in the article on remembering dreams, that my dreams seem to involve places and scenarios that are based on how I would like waking life to be, e.g. more adventurous, awe-inspiring, emotionally intense, varied, novel, and so on. Nonetheless, I can equally feel content in waking life, have similar sorts of dreams, be glad for having had them, and look forward to more like them, without feeling that this diminishes my contentment in everyday life. Instead, the opposite is true: these dreams – like other forms of fiction, such as films and video games – make life more interesting and fulfilling. In this way, dreams can be seen to augment and enhance life, rather than take away from it. This is particularly true, as described earlier, when there are clear and meaningful connections between dreams and waking life.

While we may think of ‘the refuge of dreams’ in terms of escaping to somewhere safe, away from the dangers and hardships of waking life (which is often true), this need not reflect (too) badly on waking life. Dreams – barring nightmares – can feel safer and more exciting than waking life, but refuge is still, nonetheless, a part of life overall. Just as books, films, and video games can act as refuge – a safe place to escape to, where we cannot be (genuinely) harmed – so too can dreams. This refuge can make life easier, as well as enhance it in the different ways I’ve touched upon.

By viewing dreams as (partly) a form of refuge – or an inner sanctuary – life may gain a stronger sense of structure, narrative, and possibility. The dream world is a place we know we can turn to – an exciting world away from, but not disconnected from, everyday life.