Different forms of meditation can be helpful for perfectionism. Mindfulness can interrupt ruminative thinking focused on perfectionism – stopping an initial thought spiralling into a distressing chain of thoughts, or cycles of thoughts. Compassion (karuna) or loving-kindness (metta) meditation can challenge the default attitudes and emotions behind perfectionist thinking – regret, self-blame, and self-criticism – making it easier to go easy on yourself.
But what I’ve noticed from practising metta meditation daily, which I think can apply to any meditative practice, is that just as this meditation can counteract perfectionism, the latter can interrupt (and get in the way of) the practice. In my own experience, I notice this happens when I’m silently stating a phrase in the meditation and trying to attach it to the relevant feeling (metta). I try to make sure I’m truly paying attention to the phrase and truly feeling metta, and it can be frustrating if I judge that I’m not. I’ve noticed how perfectionism can seep its way into meditation (like it can envelop many aspects of life). If I feel I’m not meditating ‘just right’, or perfectly, this can lead to all kinds of judgements, like how I shouldn’t be struggling with the practice, or how I should be able to extend metta to myself and others more easily.
Another way perfectionism influences this form of meditation, for me, is that if I don’t ‘finish’ the session, it can feel like I’ve done it imperfectly, which can also carry a sense of ‘failing’ at it. (Metta meditation involves extending well-wishing to further circles of concern after oneself: a friend, a neutral person, a difficult person, and all beings.) But being a perfectionist about both the quality and duration (or ‘completeness’) of the practice is misplaced and irrational since it is better to have done any amount of the practice, without self-judgement, than not at all.
So I got into the habit of being comfortable with not doing every stage of metta meditation, especially when there might be understandable reasons for this (e.g. tiredness and brain fog). What is more of a struggle has been giving up the need to be a perfectionist with respect to feeling metta ‘perfectly’, or getting distracted by other thoughts while doing the practice. But when those thoughts cross my mind, I find it helpful to remind myself that I’m doing a practice that is specifically intended to challenge these kinds of thoughts. The irony becomes I’m unavoidable: I’m wishing myself and others to be free from suffering, and to be peaceful and at ease, but through the lens of perfectionism, the meditation becomes yet another way in which to generate unease and dissatisfaction.
It can be easy for perfectionism to influence meditation, though, because meditation is often perceived (to some extent, correctly) to be something you get better at. As a habit, the practice of meditation should make it easier to deepen the mental state one is cultivating (e.g. metta), as well as make it easier to naturally fall into the practice, be less distracted by thoughts, and meditate for longer. However, these benefits from long-term practice don’t make perfectionism inevitable. The goal should be, as is consistent with the practice, to engage in the activity with less judgement.
So I’m trying to put less weight on ‘getting through’ or ‘completing’ a meditation session, with as few interruptions or ‘mistakes’ as possible, and instead treat every difficulty in the meditation with metta. Meditating as a perfectionist can be extra challenging, but these difficulties should only act as further motivation to engage in the practice.
